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Separation Anxiety
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SEPARATION ANXIETY OF MOTHER AND
CHILD FOR FIRST SCHOOLING
The Difficult Child
By: Dr. Stanley Turecki, MD
In elementary school, the most common times for school refusal are in
kindergarten and in first grade. Here you must develop an inner attitude that
the child belongs in school. The child has to go, there is no choice, and you
have to leave him. An abrupt cutoff is much better for the child because
otherwise you and the child get more and more enmeshed. So dont prolong the
good-byes. Once you leave, the child usually is okay. If your child is
particularly clinging and scared to separate, arrange for an adult in the school
to take him from you then leave.
In some cases the child gets up in the morning with a headache or stomachache,
complaining that hes too sick to go to school. Although the pain may be real
enough it is usually not due to illness but rather a manifestation of anxiety. A
good way to handle this is to tell the child to go to school, and if hes still
ill in school to see the school nurse or teacher and let her decide. This gets
the decision away from you and from the issue of separation.
Some things you should not do:
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Dont give the child commercials about school. Dont get
too involved promoting it: Isnt first grade fun? Dont you just love your
teacher?
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Dont ask too many questions about school. If your child
comes home and you say, How was school? and all he says is, Fine, leave it
at that. Dont probe any further. Dont ask him repeatedly if he was a good
boy.
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Dont worry about temporary regressive behavior. Even if
the child is okay in school, there may be regression at home. This is a period
of consolidation for the child. Provide him with a secure home base and he
should be fine soon. |
Parent Magazine
1. Make sure that you are always on time when you drop your son/daughter off in
the morning and pick him/her up after school. Its important that your child
doesnt feel rushed before saying good-bye or anxious wondering where you are in
the afternoon. Being punctual, with a few minutes to spare, will keep him calm
and enhance his feelings of safety and security.
Carole Messier-Melisi
Brentwood, N.Y.
2. Trust the teachers observations. If your son does calm down after a few
minutes and begins to play, dont worry. Its quite normal (especially at your
childs age) for a child to cry initially when a parent leaves him at school.
Nora Burgess
Alpine, Utah
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